How do you know if your nervous system is dysregulated?
It may seem like recognizing if we are in a fight, flight, freeze, or fawn state would be super simple and obvious...
But for many of us, we just don't see it...
Especially if we are disconnected from our bodies.
The nervous system is the body’s way of communicating to us, but if we are perpetually avoiding feeling our feelings or don't feel safe to feel emotions that are uncomfortable, we may actually have no idea that we're dysregulated at all because we're simply not listening.
In this episode, we will dive into analyzing our thoughts for clues on whether or not we are in dysregulation.
Welcome to the CoCreate Podcast. Conversations to help you live as the Creator of your life. My name is Brooke Snow, a transformational teacher, meditation and breathwork coach, and your host. I invite you to subscribe to the CoCreate podcast for weekly inspiration. Here we explore creation principles that help you heal your past, create your future, and love and accept the present moment.
Welcome, dear one. I'm so grateful you are here. Today, let's explore. [How to recognize if you're dysregulated.]
Friends, I am here to say that I am a recovering over-thinker.
And I recently heard a clever phrase that sums up my first 40 years of life. It says,
If you're over thinking, then you're under feeling.
If you're over thinking, then you're under feeling.
So often, the reason that we overthink and overanalyze and stay in our heads about things is because we are avoiding feeling the feelings in our body. If you told me that a few years ago, I wouldn't have seen the connection, but after spending the past two years really working on embodiment, I finally feel the difference.
We can talk about things like our nervous system being in fight, flight, freeze, or fawn, and our minds can imagine this playing out much more dramatically than it typically does. We might imagine this manifesting at a level 10 where we are having a complete panic attack, or emotional meltdown, or shut-down response. We might imagine that it looks like yelling or screaming or any other outward response.
While all of this absolutely still classifies as a dysregulated nervous system and is much easier to spot, the reality is that many of us are experiencing dysregulation inwardly in our thoughts and inside our bodies. We may still be high functioning enough to manage our basic responsibilities each day, but inwardly, we're working overtime to suppress what we're feeling in our nervous system.
I wanted to take the time and show what some of the thought patterns might look like if you are in fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.
For example,
You can be in fight without outwardly fighting with someone.
You can be in flight without outwardly running away.
You can be in freeze while still moving about.
You can be in fawn by confusing people-pleasing with genuine connection.
When I had someone break down what the thoughts can look like in these states, I was shocked to see how familiar these stress states were. And if you have been an overthinker, this is one way that actually knowing what those thoughts are can help us notice what we might not be feeling.
CONFLICT IN RELATIONSHIPS
Let's take the very common area of Relationships as an example. What could your thinking look like if you were in each of these dysregulated states...
Fight:
Thoughts:
“If I don’t assert myself, I’ll lose control.”
“They’re always wrong, and I need to show them why.”
“I need to make sure they know I’m in charge.”Fight:
Emotion: Anger or defensiveness.
Flight:
Thoughts:
“I’ll just avoid this conversation altogether.”
“What if they leave me? I’ll pull away first.”
“I can’t deal with this conflict right now.”
Emotion: Fear of confrontation or vulnerability.
Freeze:
Thoughts:
“I don’t know what to say or do; I’ll just shut down.”
“I can’t process what they’re saying.”
“Maybe if I stay quiet, this will blow over.”
Emotion: Emotional numbness or dissociation.
Fawn:
Thoughts:
“I’ll just agree with them to keep the peace.”
“If I make them happy, they won’t leave me.”
“My needs don’t matter as long as they’re okay.”
Emotion: Over-accommodation or self-sacrifice.
So while you may not have a level 10 outward expression of these states, it's not to say that you aren't dysregulated. If you can spot this type of thinking and match it up with fight, flight, freeze, or fawn, you can see it for what it is and use a nervous system regulation tool to help you move through it back to safety.
Let's take another example. What about how we feel about our health or our body?
HEALTH/BODY IMAGE
Fight:
Thoughts:
“I have to push myself harder in workouts to look better.”
“Why can’t I just control my eating better?”
“If I don’t fight against my flaws, I’ll never improve.”
Emotion: Frustration or aggression toward perceived imperfections.
Flight:
Thoughts:
“I’ll just avoid looking in the mirror.”
“What if I develop a serious health issue? I’ll research obsessively to prevent it.”
“I can’t deal with this right now; I’ll just skip the appointment.”
Emotion: Anxiety or avoidance regarding health or appearance.
Freeze:
Thoughts:
“I don’t even know where to start with improving my health.”
“No matter what I do, nothing changes; why bother?”
“I feel stuck in this body and can’t imagine it being different.”
Emotion: Helplessness or paralysis around making changes.
Fawn:
Thoughts:
“If I just follow this influencer’s plan, they’ll approve of me.”
“I need to keep this diet, even if it’s extreme, because others expect me to.”
“I’ll prioritize everyone else’s needs before focusing on my own health.”
Emotion: Seeking external validation or approval over personal well-being.
Do any of these thought patterns feel familiar to you? I know they did to me! And for years, I looked at those thought patterns as either truth and believed them without question... or a limiting belief that I could simply override with an affirmation or positive thinking mantra.
While I love mantras and affirmations, I can't emphasize enough that to be a Creator, we have to include the body. And working from the body first can be so much more efficient. It's a bottom-up approach rather than a top-down one.
How well does mind over body work for you? If you're like me, it can be so much harder and requires a lot of willpower and endurance that just doesn't feel sustainable, especially on hard days when those reserves are lower. But when you work from a bottom-up approach instead, it's a far better use of energy and resources.
So here’s your invitation: Take a moment today to notice your thoughts. Are they hinting at fight, flight, freeze, or fawn patterns? Instead of judging them or trying to push them away, simply observe. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward understanding what your nervous system might be asking for.
Once you’ve identified where you are, try a regulation tool that resonates with you. Breathwork, a walk outside, gentle movement, or even just placing a hand on your heart and taking a few deep breaths can work wonders. The key is to start small.
As always, remember that you are not alone in this journey. We’re all learning to listen to our bodies and emotions in deeper, more compassionate ways. The beauty of this work is that it doesn’t just help you heal—it helps you create a life filled with more presence, more connection, and more joy.
The more work I've done to feel my feelings and heal my nervous system, the more I'm noticing that my thoughts are calming down.
Remember, if you're over thinking then you're under feeling.
So therefore the reverse is true...
If you're feeling your feelings more then your mind will obsess less.
They are intrinsically connected.
The more I allow myself to feel my emotions, the less I get caught up in my mind spinning stories or searching for solutions. I can be present and truly enjoy my life.
I often reflect on the idea that we may have chosen to come to Earth to learn, to experience, and to have a body. Yet, this incredible body often feels like a mystery, and we spend much of our lives ignoring it or believing its responses are wrong. When we start to listen to its wisdom and intentionally work with our nervous system, we learn to coexist peacefully with this remarkable instrument.
Shifting from constantly trying to “fix” myself to now focusing on regulating myself has been transformative. Not only is it more effective, but it’s also more compassionate—it honors the full range of human emotions and the natural experience of dysregulation.
The goal isn’t to avoid ever getting activated—it’s a natural and essential part of being human. Activation propels us into action, alerts us to genuine danger, and allows us to feel truly alive. However, it’s not a state we’re meant to dwell in indefinitely. Instead, we’re meant to dance with it, moving between activation and regulation in a rhythm that nurtures our well-being. Just as nature moves through cycles of expansion and contraction—with the changing seasons, shifting weather, the rise of the sun, and the glow of the moon—we are designed to flow in harmony with these natural rhythms that exist in our own body. Activate, regulate. Activate, regulate. Let's make sure we're completing that cycle.
Remember, you are a creator. Feel, be, see, say, and do. The light in me honors the light in you.
Namaste.
If this episode resonated with you, I’d love to hear about your experience. You can leave a comment on YouTube or share this episode with someone who might benefit from these insights. And if you're ready to experience the nervous system regulation tool of breathwork, I would love to invite you to attend my next LIVE online breathwork session. You can check the dates for the next one at brookesnow.com/events. You are a creator. Now go co-create something great.